Thursday, June 23, 2016

Pieces of You

We clean pieces of you...from the house, from the car, your room, your therapy room. The fridge. The pantry. I vacuumed up your chips today from the backseat of the car. It just made me stop and think that I'm cleaning pieces of you. You had those chips. They touched your hands. Your lips. Your body. As I clean I know I'm losing more pieces of you. 

I don't want to forget. I don't want to lose more pieces of you. Though I know our life must go on, it's so hard to continually say goodbye. To lose more pieces of our life together. 

One day we will have to pack up your room and let it become something else. Again, pieces of you gone. Your smell. The indent of your body in your bed. Your clothes. TV. Videos. Pillows with strands of your hair. It's feels like losing these pieces of you will make me forget. I know it's not true, but it doesn't change the feelings of it. 

We had to lose you and now over a month later we continue to find you in everything and we must say goodbye again, over and over. I know one day there won't be as many pieces of you and the tears will continue to fall. We will never forget. The most important pieces of you are inside our heart and souls. 

Pieces of you. Pieces of us. Will always be together in some way. But for now, I mourn the pieces of you we must continue to let go of.

26 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. Juan Pablo SΓ‘inz OrtizJune 23, 2016 at 12:10 PM

    Beautifully said.

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  3. I'm sorry, Erin... I can't imagine what you're going through :(

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  4. No words 😒

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  5. sending prayers. Kreed touched my soul with his love of life

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  6. ❤️❤️😒❤️❤️

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  7. I lost my 9 year old autistic two months ago. I feel the same way. ❤️

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  8. πŸ’™πŸ˜’

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  9. Your walk in this grief is truly heartbreaking. I know there are just no words that can help and every mom who reads your words is just completely devastated you both have to suffer this. Your sweet baby boy touched so many, and continues to do so through you. πŸ’”

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  10. Losing the physical, the tangible ...... so painful. I feel only a portion of your missing him in your words, yet I do feel it in your words. Hugs ......

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  11. <3 So very sorry for your grief and pain

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  12. Sending prayers for you, I continue to be strong and learn new things as kreed did
    Aspies and Autsies alike we all love you Erin and Family and we are one in spirit <3

    Grieving takes a long time and that is every understandable, We will grief with you and heal with you, I myself will live everyday to the fullest like Kreed did, Asperger's has its challenges but Kreed taught me to be brave and try your best with no limits, when i wear the shirt i got and people tell me i tell them that Kreed was my inspiration to be strong and to teach others about autism disorders and to help everybody be strong and try new things and to never give up, theres a time for everything and I send love to everybody, Have a great day

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  13. No matter keep sharing....your words are precious

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  14. So heartbreaking.......hugs to you.

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  15. My heart opens with sadness for you. I admire you and you are an inspiration for me. I feel for you, your loss, your goals in working towards wanting your child te be happy and that your child learn to communicate, in their way, so that they can connect with the world around them. As a grandmother of 13 year old twin boys that both have severe autism, non verbal and development delays I am fighting for their rights so that can receive ABA and Dynavox T10. You and Kreed will always be heros for me to keep going.. All my love and strength.. You are truly a wonderful mother.

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  16. The tears are flowing reading this entry. I am at a loss for words other than to say that I send you good thoughts.. You must be stopping a lot during the cleaning process in tears feeling numb. My body shudders just reading this Blog trying to imagine what you are both going through.

    To Carie and Erin Kreed has a special place in my heart and I have learned so much from all of you. I read this Blog entry with a heavy heart. Life is just not the way we expect it to be. I respect that this is a very tough time for both of you. May you both be blessed and have good health. I'm sending you my prayers and best wishes especially during this hard period in your lives.

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  17. Beautifully said, I love it. So sorry for your and our loss. Kreed worked his way into everyone's heart in some way or another.

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  18. This is so powerfully written πŸ’™

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