Thursday, May 26, 2016

A Life Unfinished

Never Alone- Lady Antebellum
Kreed went on every adventure with me for the last six years. There wasn't any place I ever thought about not taking him. Sure, he had meltdowns, rages, attitude and didn't always understand safe behavior... But I just took that as opportunities to teach him. We were never going to keep Kreed cooped up inside because we were afraid. Kreed taught us not to be afraid. He wanted to experience nature in all its forms and received pure contentment, peace and joy from those moments. Just because it was hard didn't mean we didn't do it.

We took a road trip to Aspen the last time he almost didn't make it and that was hard. We ended up not being able to pitch a tent because it was so crowded and Kreed didn't quite understand. So we drove around until we found a secluded spot and got comfy in the car. It wasn't exactly easy that night but we made it through all the stronger. 
The next day, we set out on an adventure through Aspen and Independence pass, and the Twin Lakes. Wherever I wanted to stop he was game and he loved the water and wind so much. Even though even then he was still so sick, he had joyful moments and was quite the adventurer. We were never without tough times due to communication and behavior, but you see- it simply doesn't matter. Because the moments we captured were always worth more than what it took to get there. We were always unafraid to try new things with Kreed- if it didn't work out it didn't, and taught me better what to do. We were supposed to take another trip to Aspen this summer when he got better and experience nature there again. I wish I had known that would have been our only trip, I would have stayed longer and enjoyed more. 

Kreed was never alone because we were always with him, even to the very end. I used to sing this song to him never knowing how true it was. 

We lost him too fast. Too soon. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for our adventure to end. And now all I'm left with our these memories. And it makes me thankful that I captured all these memories and that we stood unafraid to take him on all these adventures. With love, patience and strength Kreed showed us anything was possible. We dedicated our life to him because that's what he deserved. To live a full adventure filled life of love and happiness. His life was so hard from not being able to communicate, his body always breaking down on him, and every day daily tasks being so difficult, why wouldn't I want to make it the best it possibly could be. 
And now I sit here with tears rolling down, wondering how Kreed left this life unfinished. And wondering how I will ever get over that and the emptiness my heart and soul now feels. 

But I can say today and every day after that he was never, ever alone and we were so happy to be by his side. 

The rest of our photos from Aspen road trip 2015:
Starting out

Found a French fry place!
The next morning
Some everything free breakfast 
A beautiful walk
A stop on Independence Pass with a waterfall. His favorite area. 
Then we stopped by a river
And beautiful Twin Lakes, he was excited before we even got down to the lakes. 
He loved this trip so much. 
Don't wait until it's too late to have grand adventures with your kids. Autism isn't a reason to not make this life epic. We don't know how much time we have with our kids and I only wish I had known my time was short. Teach. Love. Have adventures and show them how much beauty is truly in this world. We at least know we tried to have Kreed experience as much of this joyous life as possible. His life will always remain unfinished as we had so many more adventures to take. It's been two weeks today and the pain still hurts as much or more as it did two weeks ago. 

You were never alone Kreed, and I hope you thought you lived an amazing life and we gave everything we had to you. We love always and forever.