Beginnings

I wish

I wish he was in these photos. 

I wish he was here hopping down this trail. 

I wish he was here to see this hawk. 

Or deer. 

Or rabbit. 

Or mountain. 

Or sunshine. 

I wish he was climbing this mountain with me. 

I wish he was feeling these cool breezes. 

I wish he was finding these creeks with us. 

I wish. 

I wish. 

I wish. 

But this is life now. Taking these hikes and capturing these views, these animals and taking in the scent of nature. Without him. Without my buddy. The center of our world. He was the center of all my photos before. 

This is my grief now. In photography. 

Alone. But not alone. But still in the places he loved where we can feel again. Both great pain and sorrow but a new kind of happiness as well. If you can say happy while you are missing so fiercely. Our life goes on and his does not. We find a new life without him. We know this sorrow will now always exist no matter what we do and are coming to a peace with it. The duality of our existence is this life now and another beginning. Without our boy. This is our grief. This is our daily beginnings.