Thankful

Originally published on The Mighty: http://themighty.com/2014/11/when-people-say-my-son-owes-his-life-to-me/ 

People have asked me what I’m thankful for and to even write about it. I’ve seen a lot of bloggers write about therapists or family members or even friends of their kids. But me? I’m thankful for Kreed.

He changed my life the moment he came into it. Little things ceased to matter and my whole world became about making his life better. It became about helping him find meaning in his own life, but at the same time, giving my life so much more meaning. He’s taught me about true struggle and true perseverance with his ability to smile and continue on his days, even when he’s in immense pain. Or we might have a yelling match, but he’ll still instantly cuddle with me because he understands unconditional love on a level far higher than any of us will ever understand. He understands the true meaning of love and that words or actions in hard moments have zero bearing on the actual love between two people.

Kreed taught me about what’s truly important in life. He’s taught me that it’s people who make the difference — not things. Kreed may like something or somewhere, but in the end it’s the people who make it all special for him.

I thank him for making me a better person. How many people can say that? He makes me want to be better, to work harder so he can have a life that’s easier for him or a life he wants. Because he has to work so much harder every day than I will ever have to. So he’s taught me to appreciate what I can do so much more and what I don’t have to face.

Our life is all about Kreed, but in living a life about him, he’s made me a far better person than I could have ever hoped to be. I’m kinder, more patient and I’m stronger and more courageous because I have to fight for his life too. I’ve learned to persevere and overcome whatever the world puts in front of us. I’m stubborn, and I never give up because it’s not just my life I’m fighting for but his too. I have a greater level of sympathy and empathy that I would have never possessed otherwise. I’ve learned to live in the moment and not have anxiety about the past or future because it’s impossible to do so when you are with someone 24/7 that lives and breathes only in the present. I can’t change the past and I don’t have a clue of what will come next, but I can breathe in the present, and set ourselves up for a better future.

Is our life hard? Yes — much more so than an average person’s life with a typical child. I’m never without Kreed except for brief moments of time and that’s how it will be for the rest of our lives. But knowing this has helped me push Kreed harder to learn to communicate more and be in public and interact with others so he can always go anywhere with me. I can’t do so many things other families are able to, but that’s OK, because it’s the people that matter and not the stuff I do or don’t get to do. 

Kreed has taught me I can be bitter about our life and live in anger and sadness or I can accept the life we have and make it the best possible life with what we’ve got. I can choose to find the joy and happiness in our moments and let go of the anger and sadness. Our life has been so much happier as a result.

So when people ask me what I’m thankful for… it’s Kreed. Always has been and always will be. I would not be the person I am today without him and I certainly wouldn’t be this better version of myself. Kreed made me a better person. Period. Many people say Kreed owes his life to me, but what so many other people don’t realize is that I owe my life to him.